And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
