So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
