Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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