You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
