If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
