It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
