What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
