dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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