I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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