if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
