Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
