My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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