she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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