sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
