What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
