no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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