dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
