If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
