You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
