And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
