I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
