you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
