I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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