Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
