i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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