My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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