My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
