i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
