Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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