I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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