So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
