i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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