Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize