i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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