well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
COCAINE IS GR8
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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