My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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