we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We need to rekindle our bromance
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
