did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
