like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
