in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
