You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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