Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
