I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
