Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
