i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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