Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
