I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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