i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
being pregnant is like rehab
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
