she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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