Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
