3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
