You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
