I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
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Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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