Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
