I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
