she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
