i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
