You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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