Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You don't make any sense
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