i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
