Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
