There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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