I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
