I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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