I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
