If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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