I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
