he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
